In my early twenties, just graduated. I can no longer call myself a child.
This year has seen a lot of changes; the fast passage of time has left me flustered about the decisions I need to make. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know the direction of my future. When I’m alone, I can zone out for a long time. It’s not that I’m unhappy or that life is too exhausting; I just haven’t prepared myself to face all of this. You all say, “Don’t think too much, don’t be so pessimistic.” I take this as my daily alarm, reminding myself. Yes, there’s no need to overthink; the end of the world is coming, isn’t it? Ha, sometimes it’s sadly hard to find a reason.
At this age, the things I need to do aren’t that great, and my thoughts aren’t as mature as yours. Take love, for example; it’s not about envisioning a future life together; perhaps just a single sentence would be enough to feel content. It sounds naive, like what’s said online, “The sun is just right, and that day you happened to wear a shirt I love.” The essence of love is pure, but that’s just in my writing; it doesn’t translate into life. Life is unpredictable, and the simple word “life” carries enough for us to bear. So, I only want pure and beautiful love to appear in my writing.
Friendship, many have walked with me through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college, and I can remember quite a few. The memories are all worth cherishing; they say the happiest thing is having two or three confidants, someone trustworthy by your side. Although we are separated by distance and each has our own things to do, I won’t forget to share joy and sorrow with you. When I feel wronged and can’t help but cry, I still tell you, I miss you. Writing it out feels a bit bittersweet, but it truly warms my heart.
As for family, it’s the least needful to express. I talk to my parents about once a week, and each conversation lasts no more than 20 minutes. It’s not that there’s a barrier; it’s not that I don’t miss them. I’m not good with words, and I’m an emotional person. I can’t stand others’ comforting and touching words; if I hear my family expressing their longing and concern, I will definitely cry uncontrollably. Yes, I’m a crybaby. My heart is as fragile as something that would shatter with a gust of wind. Saying this is not an exaggeration at all.
Now I should change this part of myself; everyone grows to become stronger than before, and I won’t believe that I won’t grow.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
What I want to say is that I should grow up, I should smile.