When it comes to the love of elders for the younger generation, maternal love is always placed first, while paternal love is placed later. Why is that? Why do we always celebrate great love as maternal love and rank paternal love behind it? There is a reason for this. The main reason is that a mother shares her body with her child for ten months before they meet, sharing breath and fate; the mother's body is the child's body, the mother's nutrition is the child's nutrition. Before the child makes an appearance, there is already a ten-month bond. After the child is born, the father holds the child, looking at his own replica, and only then begins to develop paternal love. Therefore, paternal love is ten months less than maternal love; maternal love is innate, while paternal love is acquired, which is why maternal love is considered greater.
In Chinese culture, it is often said that there is a strict father and a loving mother. This simply reflects the different roles parents play in educating their children, and does not mean that a father's love is inferior in the educational process. Moreover, historically, China was a patriarchal society, where fathers bore greater social and familial responsibilities and could not accompany their children all day like mothers could. In terms of distance, the invisible distance between a father and child is often greater than that between a mother and child. Paternal love is an indispensable part of a child's growth. Nowadays, some children exhibit effeminate traits, which is related to the lack of a father's direct influence on them. Often, children who spend time with their fathers can develop a bit of bravery, courage, and a willingness to take risks.
Furthermore, paternal love is very important for a child's development. Some studies have shown that maternal love may have a greater impact before the age of 12. However, after the age of 12, the influence of paternal love on children increases, while maternal love may affect some of the child's personality traits. In contrast, paternal love often influences the child's psychological quality and temperament, which may play a larger role in their future success in society.
Sometimes we may feel that paternal love is not as warm as maternal love, but paternal love is like the sun in June; when it shines, you may feel overwhelmed by the heat, but without it, how cold and desolate would your world be?
Paternal love is often unspoken. You will find that there is often little to say between a father and son; they may sit together and discuss some grand principles, serious matters, with very little emotional exchange. However, this does not mean that a father does not love you. As the singer Jiang Dawei said in "Spring in the North Country": "My elder brother resembles my father, both are silent and taciturn." This means that an elder brother is like a father; even when sitting together, they may not talk much, just sharing a few drinks. Over the years, fathers and sons become like brothers; paternal love is around us, though not as direct and straightforward as maternal love. Sometimes it may seem less obvious.
Here’s a proportion that reflects a common human sentiment:
At the age of five or six, I would boast to my neighbor's friends, "My dad is the greatest! My dad is amazing! My dad is the strongest!" By the age of twelve or thirteen, I would think, "Sometimes my dad isn't right." By twenty, I would think, "What is my dad thinking? So outdated!" By thirty, I would think, "If my dad had been as smart as I am, he would have succeeded long ago."
By forty, I would think, "My dad seems to have a point; there is some truth to it."
By fifty-four, I would think, "If I had listened to my dad back then, I would have succeeded earlier." By sixty, I would think, "Everything my dad says is right; he knows everything."
Our understanding of fathers can sometimes undergo subtle changes without us realizing it.
So I want to remind those around me: pay more attention to your father. Sometimes he may long for your love, but as the head of the family and someone who once held many resources, he may be reluctant to reveal his inner world to you. I want to say that when your father shows you clear affection, it means he has aged and needs our emotional support at this stage of life.
Therefore, we should reciprocate the immense and enduring influence of paternal love on our lives with our own warmth. Remember, a tree desires stillness but the wind does not cease; a child wishes to care for their parents, but the parents may not wait.
(June 3, 2012, inspired by watching the Taiwanese film "Taxi Driver," wishing all fathers in the world health and longevity, edited again on December 28.)