For 2 years, 11 months, and 21 days, 1086 days and nights, it seems I can only watch the days pass by one by one, desperately wanting to change something, yet feeling powerless.
Slowly, many things that used to make me sad and brought me to tears have become things I prefer not to mention, buried deep in my heart.
I really want to tell myself that they haven't really affected me, but in every moment of life, I can clearly feel the difference between me and three years ago.
I may still be kind, but I've lost the innocence of those years; I may still be brave, but I now think about the consequences of my actions first.
I can no longer cry and throw tantrums like I used to; I've turned into a quiet and indifferent version of myself. I can't define whether this is growth or decline.
I've read many books about love and felt the love of many people around me. I believe love is beautiful, but I can't truly believe in a person.
No matter how well he treats me, it ultimately feels hopeless.
So knowing the outcome, there's no need to waste someone else's time and feelings. It's better for everyone.
There's a saying, "I'll wait for you." This is something many boys say when they can't get a girl. In fact, they are not waiting for you, but for the next girl to appear. Before she arrives, he loves you and has plenty of time to wait for you. After she arrives, he gets tired and stops loving you. Anyone can say sweet words, but not everyone can act on them.
There's no reason to blame him for not waiting for you because you didn't give him hope. So why should someone ruin a potentially beautiful life on your hopelessness?
Doudou, your sensitivity and hopelessness are just your own feelings; don't let your despair and negative emotions affect others. Let them remember you as a beautiful presence in their hearts.
His love for your beauty doesn't mean he has to accept the negativity that affects you. Don't have too many expectations; living in your own world is just fine.
I don't know if it's because work is too exhausting, but I often want to go home, back to my parents' side, and never work again. To escape back into my shell, ignoring everything.
But in the end, I can only continue to push through because life is full of helplessness, and I have more important things to do. I have people I must protect with all my might. They gave me life, and since I can treat others with such care and sensitivity, why can't I forgive everything that happened before? After all, I deeply love them in my heart.
This morning, I texted my mom, "Mom, I love you." She replied, "I love you too, make sure to take care of yourself."
I'm not a sentimental person, yet I can't help but shed tears. After all these years, what I wanted is nothing more than these things.
Thinking of that saying, "I love you" only becomes meaningful when I receive the response, "I love you too."
It's wonderful that my sister had a girl. I haven't met her yet, but I believe she came into this world filled with curiosity and hope. I want to give her love; a child living in love will surely find it easier to be happy than I did.
Time and again, so much anxiety in the darkness invades my heart.
I hang "I love you" on my lips, only to find that I'm loving myself through you.